Free Yourself: 5 Easy Tips
for Dumping your Demented Parents
Tired of those old parents weighing you down and ruining your social schedule? Weary of listening to babbling from a demented, wrinkled, helpless mom or dad? Want to free yourself of basic responsibilities? Well, we can help!
Here, in our free and handy guide, we’ll share with you some tips from around the world. Maybe one of them could work for you! Try them all and see!
Good luck, and good losing!
1. Find someone in another country to help you!
Here’s a joint venture between the good ol’ USA and merry ol’ England: Make the acquaintance of someone in another country, then spend a few dollars to send your demented parent over by plane on a one-way ticket. No one will know anything! They’ll be lost forever in the care system of another country!
2. Toss that old bag out with the garbage!
Our Mexican neighbors have a great solution! Can’t afford a plane ticket? Just dump your dear old mum or da out by the side of the road! If you want to, put her in a cardboard box and give her a few blankets – but you don’t really have to go through all that trouble.
3. Just dump ‘em on the expressway!
Don’t want to drive too far? Take a tip from Japan and just dump that annoying old person on the side of the expressway! Someone will stop to take care of her – or maybe the police will do something about it. Either way, you’re free of that old nuisance – for a while, at least!
4. Take her to the hospital and leave her there!
Hey, no one can charge you with anything, right? You didn’t dump her anywhere unsafe, and you can’t afford to take care of her (and really don’t want to), so just walk out of the hospital and never go back! They do it in Guatemala and other countries – and it works great!
5. Move out of the country and never look back!
What do all those tips above have in common? Everyone got caught! Here’s the perfect solution for that: Leave the country! It’s so easy! No one can find you, no one can charge you with anything, and someone will find your parent somehow and take over that nasty burden. It works great in Nepal!
Don’t see anything here that works for you? There are other options as well: In Nepal, one young woman forced her mom and older sister out of their home when their dad died. A little harmless violence went a long way in that case! Or, just ignore your parent and let them fade away in their own home, the way some kids do in Guatemala!
With a little creativity, you, too, can free yourself of the burden of caring for that annoying, frail, and helpless parent.
Good luck, and be sure to share your successes with us!
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These stories are all real, and they are barely the tip of the iceberg of elder abandonment in our collective society.
This is why I cannot turn away from the problem of homeless and impoverished elders.
We are The Global Humanity Initiative. Please, join us and be a part of the solution.